Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
