I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
