last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I love you. Go after that dick
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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