i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
