you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
