It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
