Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize