It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
