Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
