I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
