haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
