Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
