his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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