so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
