I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
