Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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