so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
