God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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