Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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