somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
