sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
