Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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