brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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