I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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