Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
