No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
