Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
