Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
