Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
