god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
