Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
