I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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