I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
