I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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