So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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