Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
