i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
