We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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