Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize