wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
my liver is dry heaving
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
