I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
