She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
