i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
