Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
