literally had 100 drinks last night.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
