You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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