the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
