a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
