Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
