how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
