i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You brought string cheese to the strip club
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
