i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
