So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize