you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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