how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
