Sry I called you an 8
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
