I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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