When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
