She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
